Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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