I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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