Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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