peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
