Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
