I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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