I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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