I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
