My pussy is not your playground.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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