you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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