This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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