My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
