I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
