So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
