Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I skipped work to stalk him.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
