I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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