party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
