just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's official drugs can't kill me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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