you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
