If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
