I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i need some magic done to my vagina
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
