You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
