my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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