I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can you bring me the toilet please
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
