Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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