i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
