I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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