This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
