Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
