After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
