I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
