I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
