Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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