a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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