How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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