She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
