I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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