You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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