Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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