Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
