Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
