It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
