i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
