Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Randomize
