His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
