Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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