Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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