Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
