Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
