Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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